Half-Life is awesome: A Poem by Ken Krekeler

Half-Life is awesome, Half-Life is grand

Half-Life's the coolest old game in the land

Black's disappointing, Halo is gay,

Great graphics! The cost: real shitty gameplay

You'll remember the test, it went horribly wrong;

You'll remember the creatures, the cool techno song.

You'll remember the G-Man, a fresh wild card,

He'll stammer and pause like a fucking retard

And the next thing you know it's the surface of Xen,

Where everywhere, everywhere, monsters, no men;

Where lasers and guns rule the land with bright light

And you can't think of anything else but to fight

Through the thickets of fire and rockets and slime;

You wade through the health pools and sickening grime,

Till way high above is their God and their King,

Who laughs at you, firing ring after ring

Of green light that transports you to parts most unknown;

It's hard to recall how you ever got home,

Or how you wound up on that train, and unseen

By the Combine who guard golden City 17.

All that's for sure is fate called and you came

You fought and survived, and your life's not the same.

Half-Life is awesome, Half-Life is grand

Half-Life's the coolest old game in the land

Black's disappointing, Halo is gay,
Perhaps you'll grow balls and play Half-Life someday.